spoken feeling listening to the deeper meaning truly hearing what i am saying making the space serene and settled chaotic existence can calm respect
I have all the components of my identity. I just need to bridge the gaps naturally. Relinquishing control, I will reunite them. Finding myself, in truest form, organically. Also by choosing happiness, I will get there.
Choosing self-worth Choosing to try Choosing to always keep trying Choosing to allow myself to fail, if necessary.
because everything can't be black and white we must linger in between knitted up cozy vexing in velvet mustering up courage in menswear
layered, gathered and strapped juxtaposition justice because we live in that between we are the shades of grey
there was always more to the story, and i wanted to know more, and i wanted to know what was behind everything. but now i am learning to take things as is. as they come, face value in the best way possible not overanalyzed, not a punishment [from God?] or my mother or someone on me. just what is what i am presented with what i must face. a new faucet of fate, evolved. beautifully evolved. the flow i flow. it is not easy, simple the right things never are. but i am up for the life challenge and can't wait for all the ups and downs i am ready i can do it.
[old musings, really quite magnificent and wise of me to write. then or now. hehe]
someone to love answers to questions what the fuck am i doing do i want this what should i do what can i do where am i going i deserve better i settle + make the shit work i deserve the best but i don't seek it out or give it to myself i am paralyzed i need to move i can move i just don't i wonder what it will take i wonder when i need to jumpstart i am afraid i'll never stop + i have trapped myself endlessly
[more old musings. how i love bring them back to light to breath again. i am setting them free. but they are still so true and huge parts of me. obstacles i have yet to conquer. i continue to struggle with them. read this and it reminded me of now. also of AM. i am dedicating this to you. xox]
Look du jour Chris Benz on Gilt Groupe Polka dot print silk crepe de chine (my fav!) blouse AND multi coloured paillette silk charmeuse skirt mix'n'matched with Gorgeous over-size boyfriend blazer in pale pinky/peach, this Asian star is rocking it! And I love that hair! [those black pants would work with the print blouse, or the black tank with the flashy skirt too!] Easy breezy over-sized sequin clutch for your necessities Stack a few Gold jeweled cuffs, mixed with black wood/abalone bangles for Winter, I'd pair with a Givenchy calf-hair ankle bootie and for Spring/Summer the Givenchy lace peep-toe bootie
If you are at first lonely, be patient. If you've not been alone much, or if when you were, you weren't okay with it, then just wait. You'll find it's fine to be alone once you're embracing it.
We could start with the acceptable places, the bathroom, the coffee shop, the library. Where you can stall and read the paper, where you can get your caffeine fix and sit and stay there. Where you can browse the stacks and smell the books. You're not supposed to talk much anyway so it's safe there.
There's also the gym. If you're shy you could hang out with yourself in mirrors, you could put headphones in (guitar stroke).
And there's public transportation, because we all gotta go places.
And there's prayer and meditation. No one will think less if you're hanging with your breath seeking peace and salvation.
Start simple. Things you may have previously (electric guitar plucking) based on your avoid being alone principals.
The lunch counter. Where you will be surrounded by chow-downers. Employees who only have an hour and their spouses work across town and so they -- like you -- will be alone.
Resist the urge to hang out with your cell phone.
When you are comfortable with eat lunch and run, take yourself out for dinner. A restaurant with linen and silverware. You're no less intriguing a person when you're eating solo dessert to cleaning the whipped cream from the dish with your finger. In fact some people at full tables will wish they were where you were.
Go to the movies. Where it is dark and soothing. Alone in your seat amidst a fleeting community. And then, take yourself out dancing to a club where no one knows you. Stand on the outside of the floor till the lights convince you more and more and the music shows you. Dance like no one's watching...because, they're probably not. And, if they are, assume it is with best of human intentions. The way bodies move genuinely to beats is, after all, gorgeous and affecting. Dance until you're sweating, and beads of perspiration remind you of life's best things, down your back like a brook of blessings.
Go to the woods alone, and the trees and squirrels will watch for you. Go to an unfamiliar city, roam the streets, there're always statues to talk to and benches made for sitting give strangers a shared existence if only for a minute and these moments can be so uplifting and the conversations you get in by sitting alone on benches might've never happened had you not been there by yourself
Society is afraid of alonedom, like lonely hearts are wasting away in basements, like people must have problems if, after a while, nobody is dating them. but lonely is a freedom that breaths easy and weightless and lonely is healing if you make it.
You could stand, swathed by groups and mobs or hold hands with your partner, look both further and farther for the endless quest for company. But no one's in your head and by the time you translate your thoughts, some essence of them may be lost or perhaps it is just kept.
Perhaps in the interest of loving oneself, perhaps all those sappy slogans from preschool over to high school's groaning were tokens for holding the lonely at bay. Cuz if you're happy in your head than solitude is blessed and alone is okay.
It's okay if no one believes like you. All experience is unique, no one has the same synapses, can't think like you, for this be releived, keeps things interesting lifes magic things in reach.
And it doesn't mean you're not connected, that communitie's not present, just take the perspective you get from being one person in one head and feel the effects of it. take silence and respect it. if you have an art that needs a practice, stop neglecting it. if your family doesn't get you, or religious sect is not meant for you, don't obsess about it.
you could be in an instant surrounded if you needed it If your heart is bleeding make the best of it There is heat in freezing, be a testament.
on this sunday morning i awoke from dreaming of shoes marvelous towers to the sky then had to explore the new queen Charlotte Olympia her shoes are stuff that dreams are made of platforms of whimsy woven in webs of magnificent colour on all the celebrity feet out there wedges, and edgy blocked platform pumps i've showcased her clear candy-coloured perspex-heeled pumps before but feast your eyes and torture your feet with these
Sweep the dirty stairs, the ones I waited on. This is just for me. I felt it watching her It happens too fast to make sense of it. To make it last. Where do you intend to go with your dirty dress? Lead my skeptic sight to the table and the light. It happened too fast to make sense of it. To make it last. Not asking of me anything, saying nothing about what it means, without anybody telling me how I should feel. Lead my skeptic sight.
Jimmy Eat World-Clarity and some of the most glamourous women who ever lived captured in soft lighting black and white perfection
As a slightly obsessive *albeit discriminating* follower of all things pop culture, i figured it was about time that i too would begin a social commentary on blogspot. my own personal take on all things that i am currently intrested in. i am a huge fan of genius style-high fashion and simpleton style-low fashion that looks like haute. i read many fashion glossies. i frequent fashion. beauty. celebrity blogs. i online window shop more than anyone i know. i am a self defined music elitist, who prides myself in discovering new bands. i will drop anything to go to a live show. i am wasting far too many brain cells on random *unimportant* pop culture facts. i am also a wandering, socially conscious hopeless romantic.
