whole again

it all feels like too much
too much out there
that i don't have
can't have
but want
i think i feel i do try so hard
but it continues to just lack
i continue to lack
it is all quite sad and pathetic actually
why can't i just pull my shit together
excuse after excuse
i let them set me back and be distractions
when i want nothing more
than to let go of the excess
and start anew
refreshed
clean
and
whole again

*another older poem/musing....and how it still rings true*