fringe

on the outside
looking in
i see everything as it should be
could be
i have faith that it will be
for you
but i question its possibilities
capabilities
actuality
for me
take your own advise they say
so much easier said
than done

no one understands
any of it
its complicated
an intricate web all my own
i struggle everyday to
delicately unravel the way
its supposed to be
but i want him
i just do
i want to be near our love
always
but i want me
taking care of my needs
now
sets me down the path less chosen
and perhaps away from him
i am paralyzed
not knowing which way to head
i prepare
like a good scout
and then i prepare some more

but what is it i am getting ready for?
the breakdown
my breakdown
or
perhaps
the greatness
my own greatness