arm outstretched

all week i have been trying to grasp at something
feel something substantial
however time has a mind of its own
it sifted through my fingers like sand
all the little thoughts
revelations
were those grains
impossible to capture individually
nothing solid even when cupped together
but i created each of these precious grains
so as the wind blew them away
i felt loss
i mourned all of those epiphanies that have passed
all i could hope for was for a few to stick to the sweat of my laborious hands
i was accused of not going with change
not learning from the growing pains
i was told to go to a workshop to handle my frustrations
but they didn't get it
and the tears uncontrollable escape from my eyes
i cried for the time that has passed
for my little thoughts that get taken away by the wind of each passing day
for all they have taken from me
for all that they have given me along the way
i love change
i love it so much that the change that surrounds me
isn't enough
i am not in the driver's seat
i haven't been for awhile
i was just enjoying the ride
sitting in the backseat
too relaxed
complacent
but now i think its time to get my head out of the window
stop enjoying the scenery
swiggling my hand out the window as my life passes me by
i need to take the wheel
i am an active participant in my life
i am open
and i am ready